God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I had to cum in my sink.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
