once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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