Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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