i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
