so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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