glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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