Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
