She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
