i wish my penis had a tongue
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
