u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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