dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
please come you make the beer taste better
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
