I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
