Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
