He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
