im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
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And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
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Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!