Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?