I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.