So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.