I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
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He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
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Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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