the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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