when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
