RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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