Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
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I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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