Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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