scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
