i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
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My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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