im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
