Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
