I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
