I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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