it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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