On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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