Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
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I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
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It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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