I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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