Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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