if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
