Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
