We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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