On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
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her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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