I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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