Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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