margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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