Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
