Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
NoShamevember. You game?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
