Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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