i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
