Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
