i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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