I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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