im six kinds of drunk right now
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
