I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
