If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
