How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
