There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
