Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
