when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The best revenge is premature balding
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize