Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
