I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
