remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
