I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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