When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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