so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
