Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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