dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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