blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize