i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
